Truth
Mood:  not sure
I have ended my relationships with my past boyfriends because of the fact I don't want them to have to deal with the problem that has been with me for two years. If I feel I am getting close to someone, I end it and make up some weak ass excuse. Every single relationship I have ever had, I either made them end it or mad enough to just ignore me forever. I realized this for about a month now and just this Tuesday, I offically ended all my relationships with guys. I am going to take this time to deal with my problem and getting better first, before I can seriously commit to anyone...It will take three months to one year to get better. There is and will always be a relapse, but I can't change it.

Relationships Offically Over
Brian
Because of you, I loved California and now I want to move there! You made my experiences worth wild and amazing. It was great to meet your best friends and have them support our relationship. Thankyou for never making me feel too young. Remember when Jonas asked if I had a fake, and you got upset he would even ask that. Thankyou, despite the fact that I was not old enough to go to the "hot spots" in LA, you still made everything fun. I cant believe I had three guys take me shopping at 2 different malls. Every girl's dream, to have a fleet of men to carry shopping bags. Wow! You even flew out for my birthday and that was awfully nice of you. Flew out to take me out for lunch on my birthday!!!
I am sorry that the last month in our relationship I gave you the hardest time. You have been faithful and supportive of me despite the fact I tried to make you end it with you. You saw right through me. You refused to let me go. I remember you told me that the only way it would end is if I ended it. The truth is, I never cheated on you. I only told you that because I knew, that was the only way you would let me go....You truly deserve someone who would never break your heart.

Mark
I still think about meeting you for the first time. I was so nervous that I practically walked right pass you. You seriously took my breath away. The first night was amazing, we shared times in our lives where we felt so weak. I can't believe I opened up like that to you. Guys I have dated for months, didn't even know my favorite color and you knew about what hurts me emotionally. You knew in all in one day, when it took my psychologist 1 year to crack me open. You have always treated me like a princess and still no one has ever been able to make me feel the way you do.
Sorry I distracted you while you were working. I know, I know... Even though you told me on a daily basis that your work was important because you are saving lives, you still gave me enough attention so I would leave you alone for at least 2 hours. OMG My phone bill was close to $100 because of the text messaging and stupid tami going over her mins talking to you. You are the one guy that enjoyed talking to me.
I was so glad that you let me meet Paige. She is a cutie. She loves her uncle Mark! You are so good with children. I could tell, because you were able to put up with my bratiness and princess diva ego. When you told me that you purposely walked behind us at the Mall, because you wanted to see what it would be like to have a family, that comment made me cry. That was the sweetest thing in the world. Remember all the looks we got walking around with a lil blonde haired blue eyed girl walking in front of us? LoL... They were probably thinking... Look at this family!
That night on the phone, my phone was actually died on me. When you accused me of hanging up on you, I burst into tears because you didn't believe me. I didn't want you to think of me as a baby, so I made up an excuse that a family member had called me to tell me bad news. Of course, you saw right through it. The thing is, you know me so well that I was scared of getting serious with you. The whole long distance thing was bullshit. All my life, I have been hiding my emotions and you are the only person til this day that can see through everything. I am sorry I let my fears get in the way of everything. I want you to know, I will live with this mistake for the rest of my life.